Forty-one rules.
Every one of them
is load-bearing.

The race

1. The club races once a year, in September, and has done since 2013. There is no other race. If you have heard of another race, you have been talking to someone from another club.
2. The race is a swim, a bicycle ride and a run, in that order. The order was decided in 2013 and has not been revisited.
3. You must finish. Arriving is not finishing. Being carried is not finishing, unless the carrying was done by a marshal, in which case it is a disqualification and a story.
4. Nobody may win the Horn of Glory twice in a row wearing the same hat.
5. Last home takes the White Fang. The White Fang is not a punishment. It is a fact, and it is now on your card.
6. The Giant Wooden Norse has been retired. Do not ask about the Giant Wooden Norse. The Giant Wooden Norse is in Clanfield.
7. The race is timed by the club. The club’s timing is accurate to the second, except in years when it is not, and those years are also recorded.
8. If you have done the whole thing and nobody saw you, it did not happen. If two people saw you, it definitely happened and will be discussed.

The water

9. The water is cold. This is not a rule. This is the water.
10. Wetsuits are permitted, encouraged, and in some Septembers simply the correct decision.
11. If the water is cold enough that you cannot say your own name, get out. Nobody will think less of you. Several people will think more of you.
12. Look at the tide before you look at your watch. The tide has been doing this longer than you have.
13. Do not swim alone. This one is serious, and it is the only rule on this page that is enforced without humour.
14. The club does not race in conditions it considers dangerous, and has postponed before. A postponed race is still a race. It is just next September, or the following Tuesday, whichever the tide allows.

The trophies

15. Trophies are held for one year and returned, cleaned, or in the condition that the club will describe as “traditional”.
16. Fastest female home takes the Golden Horn. The club records who raced as female. Where it does not, the trophy is left unclaimed rather than guessed at.
17. A trophy may not be taken abroad, into a pawnbroker, or onto a stag do without written notice.
18. Losing a trophy requires a written apology, read aloud, in September, before the swim.
19. If the Horn of Glory is described as “a tusk” by anyone who then asks what a tusk is, they forfeit their right to hold it.

The marshals

20. Marshals are volunteers and are therefore correct in all matters, including matters of fact.
21. Arguing with a marshal is permitted, but must be conducted at walking pace and with the bicycle stationary.
22. A marshal may send you the wrong way. This is not the marshal’s error; it is your fitness test.
23. Do not stop at a marshal solely to complain about the temperature. The marshal knows. The marshal is standing in it.
24. The marshal’s whistle is final. The marshal’s flask is not for competitors.

The conduct of walruses

25. Anyone caught running in the transition area will be made to do the run again, in the same shoes, from the start.
26. A competitor who is overtaken must say something. Silence is noted.
27. Members who train in October may do so quietly and must not mention it at the awards.
28. Nicknames are given by the club, not chosen by their holder. Challenging this is how you get another one.
29. Nobody has ever been asked to leave this club. Two people have been asked to stop being the club.
30. Photographs are taken once a year, from the side of the slipway, and are funnier than anyone expects.
31. The club anthem is sung at the finish. It is not required to be in tune, only in earshot.
32. Crying in the water is permitted. Crying on the podium is a tradition.
33. Do not mention the other club in the south. We are not affiliated with them. We are, evidently, aware of them.
34. Swearing is free. There is no swear jar. There has never been a swear jar. Who told you about the swear jar?
35. The committee consists of whoever answered their phone that week.

On the day

36. Bring what is on the kit list. The kit list is short and is written by people who have spent two hours in this water in a September.
37. Know the course before you start it. There is a marshal, a map, and one bit nobody ever remembers.
38. Tell someone your race number and where you left your bag.
39. If you cannot continue, stop and tell the nearest marshal. Standing still in the water is the only thing on this page that will get you fished out by someone with a boat and no sense of tact.
40. The club is not an emergency service. In an emergency, and about anything at all, the number is 999. The button at the bottom of every page is a joke about dinner, and it is not a rescue.
41. One final rule: you are allowed to enjoy this. Repeatedly and in public.

Colophon

Lög þessi eru lesin í hring, einu sinni á hverju ári, af þeim er ekki var í vatninu.