Lög klaufsins · Policies: terms of use
Hússins siðr
ok lög.
Hér stendr hversu þú mátt fara með vefinn, hvat sagan er ok hvat hún eigi er, ok þat er eigi skal taka alvara.
Skrifat á norrœnu, at fornum sið klaufsins. Ask for an English translation
Hverr vit erum
Sexy Walrus klaufinn ræðr þessum vef. Lestr þú hann, eða kallar á hann, þá þykkir þú samþykkja þessi lög. Ef eigi, þá lat þú vefinn ok far til sunds.
In English
Who we are
The Sexy Walrus Triathlon & Adventure Club ("the club", "we") runs this website. Reading it, or clicking anything on it, means you accept these terms. If you do not accept them, the sensible move is to close the tab and go for a swim.
Þetta er fyrsta sýn
Vefrinn er birtar sem fyrsta sýn. Blǫð, tǫlur ok orð munu breytask, ok sumt er enn ógert, meðan klaufinn gefr meira. Hér er engi kaupsátt, engin innritan, ok ekkert heit um at nokkur hlaup eða hlutir séu til.
In English
This is a preview
The site is published as a first look. Pages, figures, cards and wording will change, sometimes without notice, and some parts are openly incomplete while the club supplies the rest. Nothing on the site is an offer, a contract, an invitation to join, or a promise that a given race, event or feature exists.
Sǫgn ok skáldskapr, eigi sannleikr
Sagan af ferðinni 1881, skrifuð af Símoni Grundlethrope, er skáldskapr klaufsins ok skal svá lesask. Sálmarnir, dýrasýnin ok hóparnir eru einnig skáldskapr ok spott, eigi lög, eigi rǫð ok eigi heit. Ok hér er engin lækning, engin þjálfun, engin ráð um mat, öryggi, lög eða fé. Kalt er vatnit, hart er grjótit, ok þú ræðr þér sjálfr. Ef þú efast, spyr þú lækni heldr en rostung.
In English
Fiction, mythology and no advice
The club has a long-standing relationship with nonsense, and it is on display here. Specifically:
- The founding tale — the 1881 expedition in the diary of Simon Grundlethrope — is club fiction. It is presented as such and should not be read as history, or as a record of real people or real events.
- The hymn, the bestiary, the handicap categories and the various titles are club mythology and comic self-regard. The club enjoys them; they are not rules, rankings or guarantees.
- Race formats, titles and seasons are described as the club runs them, which is not the same as a rulebook, and may differ from any outside officiating body.
- Nothing on this site is medical, training, nutritional, safety, legal or financial advice. Open water is cold, roads are hard, and you are responsible for your own decisions. If you are in any doubt about your health, ask a doctor rather than a walrus.
Tímar ok tǫlur
Allar tǫlur koma ór skrám klaufsins, ór þeira bókum ok frá þeim er rœddu við oss. Hvar sem tala er óvís eða gengr í móti annarri, er hún látin bíða eða felld, aldri giskut. Ef nokkut er rangt um þik, seg þú oss, ok vit leiðréttum.
In English
Results and records
Times, points, placings and awards shown here come from the club's own archives, its own spreadsheets and what members and organisers have told us. The club has no interest in pretending a figure is solid when it is not: where a number is uncertain or contradictory in the source material, it is shown as pending or left out rather than guessed at.
If something about you is wrong — a name, a time, a placing, a card — tell us and we will correct it. The club's own records remain the definitive version; this website is a copy of them.
Hversu þú ferr
Lestr þú, hlekkir þú, segir þú frá — gott er þat. En eigi má: safna nǫfnum limanna í skrá eða bók, hringja á þá eða dœma um þá, klóra vefinn í stórum, eða gera nokkut ólögligt eða svívirða klaufann.
In English
Using the site
You are welcome to read, link to and share this site. Please do not:
- copy or republish members' names, photographs, results or personal details in bulk, or compile them into a database, mailing list or directory;
- use the site to contact, identify, or make judgements about members;
- scrape it at volume, load-test it, or otherwise interfere with it;
- use it for anything unlawful, or in a way that misrepresents the club, its members or its races.
Reasonable personal use — reading it, showing it to a friend, arguing about the 2016 record — is entirely fine.
Vár eign
Nafn klaufsins, orðin, myndirnar er klaufinn fekk eða keypti, ok búnaðr þessa blaðs — alt er klaufsins. Vitna mátt þú stutt, með hlekki ok nafni. At ǫðru: spyr þú fyrst.
In English
Our material
The club name, the wordmark, the text, the artwork commissioned or supplied by the club, and the design of these pages belong to the club. You may quote briefly with a link and credit. For anything else — reproduction, merchandise, a rival walrus — ask us first.
The club badge and the artworks shown here are used on the club's own pages and are not stock images free for reuse.
Hlekkir í brott
Vefrinn hlekkir til Instagram, Facebook, YouTube ok Google Maps, ok stundum annars staðar. Þeir ræða sínum lögum ok sínum bréfum. Vit ræðum eigi þeira efni, eigi þeira tilgangu, eigi þeira siðum við þitt mál.
In English
Links to other sites
The site links out to Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Google Maps and occasionally elsewhere. Those sites are run by other people, under their own terms and privacy notices. We are not responsible for their content, their availability, or what they do with your information once you arrive.
Call for help immediately
Á hverju blaði stendr knappr: Call for help immediately. Þat er spott, ok klaufinn krafðisk þess. Hann opnar leit at kínverskum matstofum. Hann kallar engan, hann telr engan, ok hann er eigi neyðarþjónusta. Ef raunveruleg neyð er, hring þú 999 (eða 112). Vér inum eigi fyrir gæðum né fjarlægð nokkurrar matstofu, en drekka mátt þú ǫl.
In English
"Call for help immediately"
Every page carries a button marked "Call for help immediately". It is a joke, and it is on every page because the club insisted. Pressing it opens a map search for nearby Chinese restaurants.
It does not summon anyone, alert a member, or contact any service. It is not an emergency service. In a genuine emergency, contact the emergency services — 999 (or 112) in the UK — immediately.
The club accepts no responsibility for the quality, availability or distance of any restaurant reached this way, though it does endorse duck pancakes.
Ekkert at kaupa
Hér er ekkert at kaupa: engi gjǫld, engin verslun, engir innritanir, engin kort, ok hvergi er fjár beiðst. Ef klaufinn síðar tekr gjald fyrir kerti, þá verða verð, endurgjǫld ok skilmálar birtir hér fyrst, áðr nokkur penningr gengr.
In English
Nothing to buy
There is nothing to pay for on this site, no membership fee, no shop, no entries and no payment details are taken anywhere. If the club later introduces paid member cards or anything else chargeable, the prices, refunds and cancellation terms will be published here before any money can be handed over, and these terms will be updated first.
Vár ábyrgð
Vefrinn er gefinn svá sem hann er, ok vit heitum eigi at hann standi ávalt opinn eða réttr. Eigi verðr vit firrð ábyrgð þar sem lög leyfa eigi: eigi fyrir dauða né meiðsli af gáleysi, eigi fyrir svik. Réttindi þín sem neytanda standa óhult.
In English
Our responsibility
The site is provided as it is, and the club does not promise that it will always be available, complete or free of mistakes. To the extent the law allows, the club is not liable for losses arising from your use of the site.
Nothing in these terms limits liability where it cannot lawfully be limited — including liability for death or personal injury caused by negligence, or for fraud. If you are a consumer, your statutory rights are unaffected by anything written here.
Lög ok breytingar
Lög Englands ok Wales gilda, ok þar eigu dómar heima. Vit megum breyta þessum lögum; sá texti er hér stendr gildir, ok dagrinn hér ofan segir hvenær hann var síðast breyttr.
In English
Governing law and changes
These terms are governed by the law of England and Wales, and any dispute belongs to the courts there.
We may update these terms as the site develops. The version published here is the one that applies, and the date at the top will always tell you when it last changed.
See also our Rulesprivacy notice, cookie policy and accessibility statement. To ask about any of it, reach us through the club's Instagram or Facebook accounts.